strange_natures

“Muuuuuuuuuuuummm!”

The wail roused Perdita from her doze. She flicked her awareness out instantly, searching multiple facets of reality for threats, anything that could harm her family, and found... Nothing. Nothing but the twins, Raina and Smudge, trying to rip each others’ heads off. Again.

Shit. She sprawled back against the pillows and wondered vaguely whether Ajhan would deal with it, like the good house-husband he was, or whether she should go break it up before the pair of them bothered their other mother. She didn’t get chance to contemplate the cost/benefit ratio of Vivienne’s annoyance before she heard pawpads thundering down the corridor, and fifty pounds of juvenile sphinx landed square on her stomach, his little tailed puffed up like a bottle-brush.

“Mum, she’s doing it again!” Smudge wailed. “You have to tell her!”

“Tell-tale tit!” Raina shouted after him. "Your tongue will split, and all the doggies in the street will have a little bit!"

"Will not!" he screeched back.

Perdita tried to catch his face so she could calm him down. “Doing what again?”

“Setting a trap for Santa.”

She blinked, trying to imagine how that was going to turn out. Grandpa Abby probably hadn’t factored it into his planned Mid-Winter performance... Oh, the grumpy old bugger wouldn’t know what had hit him. Stifling her laughter, she smoothed down her youngest child’s ruffled feathers and fluffed up fur, and asked, “Did she say why she wants to trap Santa?”

“She wants to make him answer a riddle before he can come in!” Smudge said, absolutely scandalised.

Biting her lower lip was the only way to keep from laughing. Perdita nodded, and made what she hoped were appropriately horrified sounds while she listened to his complaints. She couldn’t let the laughter out now, not when something so tempting reared its head. This was one hundred per cent a good idea, no 'at the time' about it. “You know what,” she said, finally, “I reckon your sister makes a good point. If Santa’s going to use arbitrary judgements like naughty and nice, well, he needs to expect you two to take your duties as guardians of the threshold seriously, doesn’t he? It’s only right and proper.”

“Told you so,” Raina muttered, peering around the door.

“Shush,” Perdita said as she beckoned her daughter closer. “Can’t blame your brother for getting confused - ambiguous moral judgements are Santa’s game, that’s why his rules are so vague, and you know how our family deals with those who want to play silly buggers, don’t you?”

“We change the rules,” Smudge replied. He beamed at the proud smile he got in return.

“Exactly,” Perdita said, gently booping his nose. She waited until Raina hopped up onto the bed next to him, before asking, “So, daughter of mine, what exactly did you have in mind?”

Abby was going to get the surprise of his very long life.


https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/381094.html?thread=2234572454#cmt2234572454

"What did you estimate your chances at?" the stranger asked while rummaging through her pockets.

"Approximately eight hundred and seventy five trillion to one," Elef said. "With luck on our side..."

She made a disapproving noise. "With all due respect, fuck her ladyship, you're not going to pull off odds like that without sending the probability matrix into total freefall - no, what you need is a whole lot of uppers, and a chaos goddess who fancies going full-on Heart of Gold." She surfaced from her rummaging with a clear bag full of white powder, and flourished it theatrically. "Oh, and a very pretty lady who's willing to volunteer the small of her back for a bit. I'll buy her a drink afterwards."

"...Volunteer the small of her back for what?"

"Mate, I'm not gonna snort this lot off the back of a loo, am I? That's conduct unbe-fucking-coming of a Presence of my stature."

Elef blinked at her, hoping that somehow the words would suddenly click together and make sense, but he was still bewildered when she leaned forwards, and said, "Now, you've got to ask yourself one question: do you want to roll the dice on Lady Luck showing up and pulling off some astronomical odds, or-" She grinned savagely. "-would you rather lay them down on yours truly, the patron goddess of It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time, and two pounds of pure, uncut Peruvian cocaine?"




https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/376942.html?thread=2207791982#cmt2207791982